Going into Urbana, I was in a bit of a dilemma. I wanted God to encounter me in a radical way that would rattle me, that would grip me, that would stir in me a renewed passion for Him, His Word, and His people. All year, God had been revealing to me how little love I really had for these three things. At the same time, I was reluctant and terrified of encountering God. I know encountering God is an undeniably good thing, but with each encounter, more and more of my life is demanded. Having left Urbana now, I still have this dilemma. I want my reflection to be earth-shaking, to be moving. But as I thought and thought, I can’t help but think how ordinary and simple my reflection is turning out to be.
                Through Urbana, God revealed to me how actively ignorant I am to brothers, sisters and neighbours who are suffering in the world. I say “actively” ignorant, because I have every power in me to love, but I choose not to care. God revealed to me that my ignorance isn’t harmless, but it’s harmful because it is an act that withholds love from God’s people. On one of the first nights of Urbana, we listened to Michelle Higgins who spoke passionately on the Black Lives Matter movement. I had heard of the movement, but never really cared because I didn’t think it related to me. I was wrong. Michelle’s talk challenged me and made me uncomfortable because she linked the BLM movement with Scripture. God’s Word tells us that all people are created in His image, and because of that, we are all dignified. And that’s what the BLM movement was fighting for: the sanctity of all life. If I choose to ignore what is happening, I am turning my back on the Gospel I believe in.
                As the conference went on, God continued to challenge my ignorance. At each worship session, we were introduced to a new culture of worship, whether it be Black Gospel music, Latino worship, Arabic worship, or Hawaiian worship ... the list goes on! At first, I was uneasy. I’m used to Redeemer’s style of worship! For example, I usually spend a lot of time reflecting on the lyrics, so when we sang Black Gospel music which relied on simple, repetitive lines, it was hard to “get into it.” Nevertheless, God led 16 000 of us at Urbana into worship with one voice. With each new day, we grew more eager to hear and learn of how our brothers and sisters from another culture express their love to God.
                If I were to find a moment where all these things accumulated and God struck me, I would have to say it would be on the last seminar day at Urbana. For the first two days, I had picked seminars that interested me or I had picked ones that I thought would help my faith grow. On the last day, I decided to stop playing it safe and pick a topic that challenged me. I went to a seminar called “A Christian Response to ISIS and Boko Haram.” The entire seminar was enlightening, empowering, and moving. What hit home for me was when we started talking about the refugee crisis. For some people, they didn’t want to let refugees into North America, because they feared terrorists would enter the country through this route. However, the speaker argued that even if we deny refugees entry, terrorist attacks will continue to happen in North America. He urged us not to let our fears dictate the call on our lives, which is to live our lives in fearless love. If we deny entry to the refugees, we are denying them love. The speaker put it in this way, “What would be the greater victory to Satan? A few more planes being hijacked and a few more bombings taking place? Or would it be a greater victory to Satan if a Christian people turned their backs and walked away from the core of the Gospel?”
                God had me floored. My ignorance had been challenged. If I’m honest about it, I’m ignorant because I’m fearful of what I have to face, and I just simply didn’t want to put in the effort to care and to love. To care and to love is exhausting and it takes a lot out of you, but we cannot use this as an excuse. That night, we were invited to learn more about the persecuted church and pray for nine countries where living as a Christian is dangerous. It may have felt weird and uncomfortable to many of us, but God gave us the courage to step forward in faith and take part in praying for the persecuted church.
                If I could sum up Urbana and what missions is, it would be that missions is about hearing someone else’s story, believing that it matters and that it’s important, stepping into it, and redeeming it. This was the common theme we saw at Urbana, from the BLM movement to the different worship styles, and from the many stories shared by missionaries every day to the persecuted church. For each of these, we were invited to listen to what their stories were, we were convicted see their worth, we were called to step into them and were led to redeem them by surrendering them to God. We can do all these things, because of Jesus Christ who first looked upon us and our story, loved us, stepped out of heaven’s realms and into the world, and redeemed it by dying on the cross for our sin.
To me, that seems like an oddly, simple call! With this understanding, missions isn’t just about going overseas to share the Gospel, it’s also about hearing my neighbour’s story and sharing the Gospel there. The key similarity is that Jesus must be the centre and focus of it all. As David Platt said in one of the night sessions, we cannot manufacture a heart for mission, without a heart for Jesus Christ. Missions must come out of an overflow of Christ’s supreme love for us. So to answer my expectation of wanting to love God, His Word and His people more when I went into Urbana: God tells me to be curious, to open myself up to the stories of people around me, to step into them, and to redeem them with the beauty and power of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. It’s going to cost me something to do that, but it is so worth it, and nothing can compare to the cost Jesus paid on the cross. “Be curious and hear their story!” It’s no earth-shaking, new truth, but it is indeed a powerful one when carried out. In the words of the Urbana media team, “when the dust settles, what story will you tell?” All glory, power, and honour be to our God. Praise the Lord!
 

​Urbana 2015 Reflection - Jacqueline
 
As I reflect on Urbana 2015, I am very thankful that so many Redeemer people attended – we were challenged in our faith, and we also walked together as brothers and sisters, wrestling with a number of issues.
 
One topic discussed was Black Lives Matter. As speakers spoke about the racial tensions and the fact that we need to advocate for each other, I was reminded of the struggles that my friends face, the incidents that happened right here in NYC, and the BLM protests on weekends. The call was for us to pray for our country and this issue.
 
Another topic was the Persecuted Church, referring to our brothers and sisters in countries where Christians are persecuted. The number one request is for prayer to keep them strong. Oftentimes, I easily ignore these issues, but now I feel convicted not to turn away, but to read or watch these stores in order to become more aware and pray for them.
 
David Platt humbled us when he spoke of not manufacturing a heart for missions but missing a heart for Jesus. He also called out that perhaps a number of leaders among us could fall into that category. He also emphasized the necessity of missions both globally and locally. This time I feel convicted to explore short term global missions, because we are all called to missions. God commanded us to go, to the ends of the earth to reach the unreached. So whether I currently feel “called” or not, I need to obey and just go. God will take care of the rest.
 
During one of the roommate huddles, one person shared that being a Christian at work requires making a daily struggle to choose the right decision over and over (e.g. think temptations, gossip, etc.). The easy way out and quitting, is not the right way. This resonated with me because it is very hard to be caring and loving at work, when everyone is trying to get ahead. Sometimes I want to quit altogether and do something else (wouldn’t that be amazing!?!), but then I am reminded that God has placed me here for a reason, and that I should stick with it and be faithful where I am. 
 
Urbana definitely challenged me, and I am excited for what God has in store for 2016.
 
 

            Urbana was an interesting experience for sure. I started off pretty excited for Urbana when Phil first introduced it to challengers because it would be a new way to see how different people and churches run their worship and service. As time went on I started losing the hype for Urbana. Realizing the cost, driving distance and time spent there made me reconsider my decision to go to Urbana. Even though I had all these things in mind I somehow felt like Urbana is where I should be at and so I stayed on the team.
            The drive to St. Louis was brutal. It took us around 16 hours to get there and we ended up arriving until about 6AM without much sleep. Thankfully, Urbana didn’t start until the night time, so it gave us a chance to catch up on some sleep and to relax before everything started.
            The week of Urbana went by pretty quickly. Every day was packed with bible study, sermons and workshops, which left barely anytime for us to relax and reflect. I went to Urbana with the hopes of encountering God and having questions answered, but I think I left with more questions than I came in with. Urbana definitely has opened my views for worship and missions. It was a very different experience to learn how to worship in different cultures including Latino, native Hawaiian and African American. We also learned to worship in different languages including Korean and Swahili. The different styles of worship put me in a place where I was not comfortable with in the beginning, but as we worshiped more, it became more natural and fitting. We also learned to embrace and live each other’s story because that is how we care and pray for one another. We explored why the Black Lives Matter campaign was so important to not just African Americans, but to everyone. It is because it matters to our brothers and sisters that we too are now called into the same story, so that we can share their hurts and joy.
            Another emphasis of Urbana was the need for people to do missions, not just locally, but globally. We got a little insight to seeing some of the countries where Christians are being persecuted including Iraq, Syria, North Korea, Yemen and others as well. Some missionaries shared their stories with us about the persecution they faced in different countries. What amazed me was that these missionaries were regular people like you and me. Some of them have the fear of insects, which made me realize that these people aren’t any more special than you and me, other than the fact that they decided to follow Christ’s calling into being a missionary and giving their life away. We got an opportunity to pray for different countries during that night and it amazed me how much missionaries value prayer. The number one thing missionaries ask for isn’t safety, security or their daily food and water, but it is prayer. That would not be the first thing that I would be asking for if I was in the middle of a country that persecuted Christians. I realized that if prayer is so important to them, it must be more important than what I think. Urbana has made me think more globally. It encouraged me to think about churches around the world and events that are happening around the world. I don’t know if it has convinced me to go on a mission trip, maybe someday. I do know however, that my way of seeing worship, missions and the global church has changed a lot. It’s made me pray more for our brothers and sisters around the world and my outlook on the importance of mission.

​After attending my first Christian conference in high school, "Teen's Conference", I thought, 'this was it, this is what Heaven must be like, hundreds of people gathered together singing praises to God!’ What a pleasurable experience that was, to have God encountered all of us those 2 days and nights. 'I must've just had a glimpse of Heaven!' I thought to myself. And that kicks off a few years of the annual TC during my high school days. From attendee, I moved up to 'Team Captain' with Phil, leading younger attendees in a series of games, bible studies and worship. Then I moved on to volunteer as 'TC REC' leaders. We were the 'older' group of leaders who ran the games and recreation to boost the attendee’s spirits during the conference. We promoted a spirit of teamwork and an environment where there's no losers, everyone is a winner. It became an annual spiritual 'high' to keep having a 'peek' of what Heaven feels like. Lots of fun and games with brothers and sisters. But then university hit, and I outgrew Teens Conference.
 
During university, I attended Korean Christian Fellowship, I saw the passion for God; not in myself, but in the brothers and sisters who attended. I was "focused" on 'school', and enjoying my freedom from my parents. Sure, I tried to lead small groups, but deep down, I knew I did it more out of duty and comparison to my fellow peers, who became leaders in the fellowship. I still believed in God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength, but I have a university degree to complete you know? I have to put in all my effort into making sure I pass all my courses before I can devote my time to God. I'll work hard to please God, keep helping out with small groups, and keep helping out at Redeemer. While I focused on passing all my courses, I see my brothers and sisters going on missions, and passing courses all the same. They were able to come back and share stories of new friends made and new purposes found. Another glimpse of Heaven through missions. But hey, I feel like I've been doing pretty good, being able to get my engineering degree, help out in my university fellowship, help out my church, and even landed a good job. 
 
But all this time I've been trying to work my way to God, to hope that one day, I will hear those treasured words "Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master" [Matthew 25:21]. I played to all my strengths, and did everything I know I'm good at. Does that mean I've been faithful over a lot? 
 
And here is the turning point... No I've trusted in my own strength, and not God. 
 
I've been trying to maintain that perfect image, the spiritual 'high' with my own strength. The fear of failing, forced me into the little box of my own strength, and never stepping out of it. No wonder when I see others step out in faith, I see a glimpse of Heaven. All I simply have to do is lift my life to God and let him deal with my fears. With my life in His hands completely, I no longer have to hide in my little box, but be able to step out of my comfort zone, and trust God. The moment you step out of that box, your strengths are no longer enough, you are vulnerable, and you will stumble. "But though he stumbles, he will not fall" [Psalm 37:24]. I start seeing my unworthiness before the Lord that I'm not all I thought I was. I've had a false sense of humility, and pride that blinded me from it. But with my life laid down before the Lord, I see the one who IS worthy! The Lion, who gave His life to the Father, to become a slain Lamb that is Christ! The only appropriate response is worship!
 
Worship, this sounds familiar. Yes, we have weekly Sunday service worship, but seeing the Lamb who is worthy, I feel like this worship is even more than that (though Sunday worship is still important!!!). Someone as glorious as the Lord deserves the praise of everyone! Animals! Rocks! Everything! A whole conference hall filled with brothers and sisters hearing the Word and singing praises to God! "And I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and in the sea, and all that is in them, saying, “To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be blessing and honor and glory and might forever and ever!”" [Revelation 5:13]. Yes. This was the glimpse of Heaven I had seen and remember. This is the reason why I live, why I even exist. To give up my life as a living sacrifice to God, and to worship Him who is worthy with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength. And every breath I breathe out, be worship to the Lord! 
 
Blessings!
--
Nelson Yu

As someone who has spent a good chunk of their life in the church, global missions is not a term that is unfamiliar to me. Every now and again, there would be someone going on missions and I would hear stories of how they were called to go on the trip. They would tell of the amazing things that God did through them and all the lives that were changed to follow Christ. At that time, I thought, “Wow, going on missions would be so cool!” I wanted to be the person to tell the amazing stories, I wanted the great call to go and do His work, just so I can say that I went on missions. I clearly did not understand the severity of going on missions, and I knew that it was more attending to my sense of pride rather than genuinely serving Him and His people.

For that reason, missions was always on the back burner for me. As I understood more and more the implications of what it means to be on mission, the urgency and the longing to go became less and less appealing. Ironic huh? I was not ready to sacrifice and I was not willing to go out of my comfort zone. It was too risky to be so vulnerable and exposed to people who may not even want to receive what I have to offer. It wasn’t until my later years of undergrad where I was seriously challenged to go to China and evangelize to students there. I was told, as Christians, we are called to sacrifice. It was time to leave my comfort zone and it would be worth it to be vulnerable. How could I argue with those reasons? And I considered it. Yet, like many others I have talked to, I gave excuses. “I’m not ready” “there are already people going” “there are others more ‘qualified’ to go”. The list can go on.

Often times our prayer and attitude towards mission looks like this, “God, if you want me to go, I will go.” I know, because that was my attitude for a period of time. But what if we change our prayers to, “Here I am Lord, send me.” Honestly, I am a little scared of how God will respond.

Recently, I’ve had a chance to do a bit of traveling. I was reminded through my travels that His presence is everywhere and God works in ways we do not understand. If we go, God promises He will be with us (Matthew 28:19-20) and He will empower us to do His work. Am I ready to go on a global mission? That is a question that still requires some prayer and discernment, but I will patiently wait on what He has in store for me, knowing that God will never bring me to something that I cannot overcome.         

            As many of you know, I went to a conference two years ago called Together for the Gospel (T4G) and the theme was Evangelism. It was the first time I ever went to a Christian conference. Likewise, it was the first time I began to understand the meaning and importance of sharing the gospel. I felt the sense of urgency. I was given the passion. I realized then and there, that it is only in truly believing in Christ’s resurrection, His power to save and the realness of judgment that I could have this sense of urgency. It is only in loving God and wanting to please and obey Him that would I have the passion to share the gospel. It is in realizing and experiencing those things that I understand my calling as a disciple of Christ. The word disciple means someone who follows another person, his way of life and to submit under that person. In order to do that my desires and vision must align with His because He is the one I am following. I am called to obey His commands, to follow His ways, to love those He loves.

Let’s go back to that sense of urgency. One of the speakers asked during his sermon “do you love your family and friends enough to tell them the truth? Do you want them to go to hell?” I know that ultimately God is the one who changes hearts. But who’s to say that if we pray hard enough he will not answer? If I don’t try at all is that fair to them? My inability and inadequacies should not be my excuses to not be the sower. As disciples we are told to not take things into our own hands and trust God with the results. Luke15:10 tells us that there is joy before the angels of God over one sinner who repents. I want to find favour in the eyes of the Lord, I want to please Him. I want to want that.

In between sessions T4G would play snippets of people sharing their testimonies. They would bring us to tears because of how powerful the stories were and how powerful God is in their stories. Testimonies once again remind me of how good God is and how he works; how he can take such a broken life and restore it. How he can be so gracious after we commit the same sins over and over again? How can he be so faithful to us even though we have forsaken him more times than we can imagine? How can he love us so much even though our love for other things frequently clouds our love for Him? I will never be able to understand, but I’m amazed by it every time. And so for that, I want to share the Gospel, for His glory and for the preservation of my faith.